Linda Nguyen Phong
March 12, 2013
Essay #1, Draft #1
Sinuses Infection Can Makes You Feel Very Weak
I had sinuses infection in the past. But last time it was the worst time ever. Almost two months ago, one Saturday morning I woke and felt terrible headache. I thought it just like the past the headache will go away after I take Advil. So I took an Advil for and went to work.
The headache gotten worst, it spread to my neck and invaded my whole body. My body temperature started to change. I felt like I just came out from the sauna room. I felt so weak and dizzy. I couldn’t move my arms up. I couldn’t concentrate with my work. I knew I had to see the doctor as soon as possible. I went straight to my manager’s office, and told her how I felt. Luckily she was understand and told me I could get off and suggested to stay home and rest. I said thanks to her and left the office. I went to my doctor in Chinatown. After the doctor checked my body and my temperature, he told me I had sinus infection. He then gave me description for sinus infection .The doctor told me,’’ I need to take Antibiotics for at last one week. My body started to feel better after three day taking Antibiotics, and completely felt normal in one week
After that day I realized health is the most important in life. I remain to keep myself healthy is thinking tea every day, eating more vegetable, fruits. I also suggest to everyone should do the same to be healthy.
Hi Linda,
ReplyDeleteI've had many sinus infections in my life, so I know how annoying they can be! I like how you described your symptoms, especially the metaphor about the sauna room - I know that feeling!
The introduction does a good job of giving us some basic background information, but it seems to me that a different order of sentences would work better. I would suggest moving the first and second sentence after "Almost two months ago..." so that the first sentence orients us to the "When?" of the essay.
I also would like to see you break up the middle paragraph a little bit. Can you find a place where a new topic starts? Try to break it up into at least two smaller paragraphs.
I'm looking forward to reading your next draft!