Aung Zaw Min
March
12, 2013
Essay
# 1, Draft # 2
It could happen.
When I was a University student,
studying away from home, about 20 years ago, I was stricken with a disease
Hepatitis. I never thought that I would be sick like that before it happened.
And I had no idea how I got that disease. But really it happened. I never
forget all the event I had to face and that happening always warn me that our
bodies can be destroyed by any cause any time, and the most valuable knowledge
I got is Hepatitis is more dangerous and communicable than HIV/AIDS.
The earliest noticed symptom was
badly pain in my stomach. I thought that it was a normal spicy food problem.
But it was increasing. Then, I vomited as soon as I had finished my lunch. Till
that time, I was still thinking my problem was a normal indigestion problem,
thus I didn’t go to the students’ clinic and I bought some traditional digestive
powder and took. But a few hours later, my pain was getting worse and worse, I couldn’t
bear any longer.
At the same time, I vomited everything I had had and drunk. It was a much closed time to exam, so I didn't want to go to clinic because I was afraid of losing my study time. But my friends and hostel roommates suggested me to go to the clinic and they had to bring me around.
At the same time, I vomited everything I had had and drunk. It was a much closed time to exam, so I didn't want to go to clinic because I was afraid of losing my study time. But my friends and hostel roommates suggested me to go to the clinic and they had to bring me around.
There was a young nurse
only in the clinic but she was a skillful nurse. She checked up me and said I
needed to be run some tests, so I should go to the students’ hospital. In that
time, I got a fever and felt dizziness and weakness. I had no choice. My
condition was not to concern about the exam; I thought that I was at the death
door.
When I arrived at the hospital, the
doctor looked at me in my eyes and pushed over my stomach with his hands and
said that it might be Hepatitis. He said that my liver was a little bigger than
normal. If it was, I had to take a rest in hospital 45 days at least. And he
ran some tests to confirm. I felt sad and hopeless for my exam, and also
homesick, missing my parents and all my family members. He asked me to drink
the liquid as possible as I can; in fact, I needed to drink six bottles of
water or juices at least in a day. And he asked the nurse to take IV to me and
I had to be lying on the bed.
On the next days, Hepatitis was no
doubt even though not still getting the results of the tests, my skins and eyes
turned to yellow. It was definitely Hepatitis. The doctor asked the nurses to
take me antibiotic injections and continue the IV and also asked me to drink
the liquids as much as I could.
I asked him why it happened, even I
didn’t do nothing wrong. So, he explained me about the Hepatitis. Hepatitis is
the most easily communicable disease. People are afraid of HIV/AIDS but it is a
STD disease only. Hepatitis can be communicated by saliva, sometime it can be
caused by the restaurants which have lack of the health protection system. Before
my case, two students were found in this disease. Therefore, he instructed his staff to inspect the health protection system of the campus canteen thoroughly. And, the most dangerous thing of this disease is that the Hepatitis A is a cause of the deadly Liver Cancer, it is no cure.
By following his treatment, my
condition became better and better. At first, I could drive out my stomachache, and
then fever was going down and finally getting normal. At last, my skin and eyes
returned to normal color.
A few weeks later, my friends and
roommates visited to me. Some of them brought my books to study according to
the doctor’s permission. Some of my friends made me jokes that they were
jealous me because I got a token to excuse to fail the exam. Although they made
a joke like that, they brought and gave me some of their notes, gist to prepare
the exam and encouraged me.
In that way, I had prepared for my
exam in the hospital. A few days to exam, I got a permission to leave the
hospital. The doctor said that I was back to normal but still needed to get
fully recovered. Despite permitting to leave for the exam, he was still worried
about me.
But I could regain healthy and also
do the exam very well. When the results were out, I passed with some credits. My
friends cheered me and I also felt on top of the world.
Aung
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAung,
ReplyDeleteWhat a terrible experience! I like how this essay is both informative and, at times, humorous. It has a lot of "voice" which makes it enjoyable to read. In fact, it is so nicely organized and developed that I only have a few grammatical suggestions for you.
#1: "my pain was worst and worst" This is a good structure to use, but we only use it with the comparative form of the adjective, "worse and worse." Also, let's make the verb progressive, such as "was getting"
#2: "my condition was better and better" Here you used the correct adjective form, but again, we want to make the verb show progression. You could use "was getting" or even "got" or "became."
#3: "Therefore, he instructed to check out and control the campus canteen thoroughly." I wasn't sure what you meant by this sentence. Was he telling you not to eat at the campus canteen anymore? Was he asking you to file a health report? Can you clarify what you mean here?
Let's start from there, and let me know if you have any other questions as you work on this. Very nice work!
Thank you, Teacher Heidi.
ReplyDeleteThe exact meaning I want to say of the last wrong sentence I wrote is
The doctor instructed his stuffs to check out and control the health protection system of the canteen.
Thanks again, teacher.