Irina Godovikova
April 7, 2013
Essay #2, Draft #1
Technology in our life
With the development of technology, there have been a lot of changes in our life. Admittedly, some of these changes are bad, causing many environmental and social problems. However, most of these changes contribute to making our life more convenient, more comfortable and more wonderful.
First of all, because of technology people can enjoy more convenience than ever. For example, it only takes travelers or businessmen several hours to go to other countries by plane, which makes the world can communicate with significantly high speed and low cost. It is a technology that has cleared away the barriers that once prevented people from leading a convenient life.
Secondly, technology has made our life as comfortable as we can imagine. Sitting in air-conditioned rooms, people do not have to suffer the extremely cold or hot weather any more. Whatever vegetable or fruit we want to ear, we can always find it in a supermarket without worrying about the season. We can also go to work in a place for away from our homes by using automobiles or public transportation tools.
In addition, technology provides us many choices to spend our spare time. Listening to music by using CD, MP3, surfing the internet or watching movies, all of these entertainments make out life wonderful. In conclusion, although technology has brought about some problems, such as air pollution caused by increasing automobiles, ethnic problems caused by cloning human beings, the benefits of technology for outweigh its bad influences. So, it is safe to say that technology has made the world a better place to live.
Hi Irina,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used a "twist" strategy to write your introduction. The main idea of your essay is clear. It is quite a big subject, though, for a small essay, so the essay overall feels pretty general even though you offer examples of different kinds of technology. If you want to make this essay a "winner" you should choose a much smaller focus -- just one type of technology or an actual device -- and really talk about it in depth. It doesn't matter which one you choose -- it could be airplanes or air conditioning -- but developing your thoughts on the subject through personal stories and experiences will make this more meaningful and a stronger piece of writing.